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Lady Potamus' Tea Room
Sunday, December 08, 2002  
I am proud to tell you that I own a gun. Indeed, I own several guns.

I got my first gun from the very late Lord Potamus. Yes, my dear old daddy. He used to take me to deepest, darkest Africa. Rhodesia or some such, I really don't recall after all this time. One day, I thought he was out playing the great white hunter, when he suddenly walked in on me playing "a bird in the bush" with one of the local lads and, I confess, he rather lost his temper with me.

After that, I had to go out hunting with him every single day. He taught me everything I know about the proper operation of fire arms and I am a damn good shot, if I do say so myself.

I would also like to point out that I have had less than two serious gun accidents per year, and even then only when I was under the influence of heavy, heavy drink. I've learned that the important thing to do after you shoot a whole in a ceiling, floor or body part is to immediatly dispose of the gun and deny owning it. Charlton Heston himself suggested to me that this was a decent way of dealing with the situation. He then demonstrated something he called "hide the ammunition," which was not entirely unpleasant.

Anyhow, I am Lady Potamus. I am the NRA.

3:02 AM

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